Igrot Kodesh · Letter 6197 — Chinuch

By the grace of Hashem*,

28 Nissan* 5718,

Brooklyn,

Blessings and greetings,

I am responding to your letter of April 15, in which you tell me that your son has become acquainted with a non-Jewish woman. According to what you say, she is visiting a Rav*, becoming Jewish, and observing Kashrus*. Your son, as you emphasize, is very attached to all of this and you ask me what you should do in such a case. Before you take a position in this matter, you must take two preliminary steps:

A) You must find a way to ensure that your son meets Jewish young women. It is possible that one of them may appeal to him. This will be the best outcome of this entire affair. Certainly, in this country, parents are not in the habit of proposing a match to their children. However, in thousands of cases, one of the parents takes the initiative to do so, when the opportunity arises, without the children knowing that he did. You tell me that your son is in California, but you do not specify in which city. If many Jews reside in the same place, one can arrange for several opportunities to present themselves. Depending on the character of your son, one can find Jewish homes in which all of this can be accomplished.

B) One must also determine which Rav* she is consulting and what it means that she is "becoming Jewish." You will surely find the name of this Rav* through your son, but without his being able to suspect your concerns in this matter, for if this were the case, the possibility set forth in the preceding paragraph would be lost. You add, in your letter, that you do not know why you deserve all of this. Now, very often, such situations are the result of the fact that the mother, in her time, when she was expecting this child, did not properly observe family purity, by going to the ritual bath and performing the examinations. If this was indeed the case for you, Hashem* forbid, you will repair all of this, at least to a certain extent, by persuading other Jewish women to observe the laws of family purity. If you succeed in convincing at least two or three, this will repair, to a large extent, what has just been said.

It would be good to have the mezuzos* of your home checked, in order to ensure that they are all kosher*, in accordance with the Halachah*. Similarly, you will adopt the positive custom of virtuous Jewish women, which consists of systematically giving tzedakah* before lighting the candles, on the eve of Shabbos* and the festivals. With my blessing to convey good news,

On behalf of the Rebbe, shlita*,

the secretary,