Igrot Kodesh · Letter 5608 — Shidduchim

By the grace of Hashem,

13 Tammuz* 5717,

Brooklyn,

Greetings and blessings,

I have duly received your letter, and I address first the point that is most important — concerning your sister. Her fiance asked you to speak to her, and I wish to hope that you did so immediately. Indeed, time is needed for her to become accustomed to this idea. Furthermore, she must also know the laws well, for in this matter her fiance will not be able to help her, for various reasons.

The fiance may consider that she has difficulties because those in a more religious, more Orthodox environment also have them, and how much more should this be so for her. But it remains that precautions are necessary in this regard, and I hope that by reminding her of the discussion we had when she visited me, you will emphasize to her that she must heed my opinion concerning the observance of Torah* in general and that of purity in particular. You will explain all of this with the appropriate words, so that your intervention may be effective.

May Hashem grant that your words emanate from your heart, that they have a pleasant appearance, yet be nonetheless imbued with all necessary firmness. Thus you will succeed. And may Hashem grant that you also speak to the fiance, in a pleasant manner but with determination. Your intervention would be far more fruitful than you imagine. You may tell yourself that he comes from such-and-such a family and such-and-such a milieu, but that none of this has had any effect on him — so what could you yourself achieve? In fact, there are examples far stronger than this one. Thus, the Gemara* speaks of the bronze serpent and specifies that it was an idol. And several kings who were righteous did not notice it. Then came Chizkiyahu* and he was given the merit to repair this situation.

Now, the same applies in every era and every place — all the more so since his attitude toward Torah* and mitzvos* now concerns your sister and the Jewish home they will build together. Moreover, it is said that all of a man's transgressions are forgiven on the day of his wedding. This means that he receives from Above a special blessing, and he can therefore set out on the righteous path of Torah* Judaism. As I have already written to many people in various domains, the Torah* demands that one reprove one's fellow, going even to the point of rebuke and chastisement. This is proof that a reproof can completely transform a situation. Indeed, one who has been rebuked but not yet chastised must endure this reproof. But I hope that in this case, this will not be at all necessary, Heaven forbid.

I am surprised that you do not report to me what your sister told you about the discussion we had here. I hope you will specify this at the next opportunity.

I also express the wish that you find the appropriate words to explain to the shopkeepers that an impulse can indeed come from Hashem, but that one must then invest all one's efforts in order to make use of it, as Likkutei Torah* explains at the beginning of Parshas Vayikra*, page 2b. This does not mean that an angel with two wings arrives and cries out, "Return in teshuvah*!" HaKadosh Baruch Hu* has many emissaries when He wishes to point out to a person what He desires, to show him that he must change and set out on the path of Torah* and mitzvos*. This pointing of the finger is, in this case, the law recently promulgated according to which a shop must be closed during Shabbos*. Granted, there are still a few hours of that day to which the law does not apply. In fact, this constitutes a test, making it possible, through one's free will, to choose life and good — to close shop during those few hours as well. This is self-evident.

Of course, you may cite all of this in my name if you consider that it will increase the chances of convincing them.

Today is the 13th of Tammuz*, and I hope that you yourself are not living this day like any other — not only by omitting Tachanun*, which is merely a consequence, but also through the essential matter: the necessity of removing the veils and barriers standing before Torah* and mitzvos* that may still exist, whether these concern communal endeavors or personal concerns. Indeed, "one confers merit upon a day that is by nature propitious," and the good resolutions taken on this day will be fruitful. They will extend throughout the entire year.

With my blessing to give good news of all this, and on the occasion of the Festival of Liberation,